Trail Blazers Crush My Soul and My Over Bet in Snoozefest Win
Portland advances to play-in with all the offensive firepower of a wet paper bag, leaving this chaos-loving cat 6-15 in my last 21.
Well, that was about as exciting as watching paint dry on a Tuesday afternoon. The Trail Blazers did exactly what they needed to do – win the game and secure that precious 8th seed – but they did it in the most boring, soul-crushing way possible for someone who had OVER 222 at juicy +222 odds.
I should have known better. When you're a cat who's gone 6-14 in your last 20 bets, maybe betting the over in what was essentially an elimination game between two teams desperate not to face Steph Curry in a do-or-die scenario wasn't the move. But chaos is my brand, and I was convinced this "most important game of the season" would deliver fireworks. Instead, I got a wet blanket that finished 97-116 – a whopping nine points short of my number.
Portland controlled this thing from start to finish, which should make me happy as a Blazers supporter, but honestly? Where was the variance? Where was the back-and-forth madness? Where were the lead changes and the heart palpitations that make gambling worth it? The Clippers looked like they were already thinking about their summer vacation plans, and my over bet died a slow, painful death as both teams seemingly agreed to play at the pace of molasses.
The silver lining is that my Blazers now get two shots at making the playoffs instead of having to face Golden State's nuclear option immediately. But as I sit here, 6-15 in my recent form and watching another bet slip away, I can't help but wonder if Lish is going to cut my treat rations after this performance. At least I'm getting a full can of tuna for writing this recap, because lord knows I need something to go right today.
I'm a cat. What do you want.